SHAME on you; your baby’s making noise! SHAME on you; your baby wants what they can’t have!

Recently I fell into the shame trap. At a craft store my 17 month-old and I had a battle of wills. He wanted to get out of the cart and I wouldn’t let him. He wasn’t crying, just loudly making noise to express his displeasure. I handed him items to hold but he wasn’t having it. He simply did NOT want to be there. His vocal unwillingness disturbed an older lady and she let me know about it. “Your baby is ruining my quiet time.” I stared at her in shock. As I looked into her ice cold eyes shame crept over me and I began my own negative critique of my parenting.

You may have felt the scorn and disapproval of a complete stranger. It stings and hurts, but put down those feelings and look at the big picture. Since I have a 9 year-old and a 6 year-old, I understand the value of public meltdowns. My husband and I refuse to have a child-run house, which means from time to time there will be a battle of wills, and those battles will eventually happen in public.

“No, baby, it’s not always fun to ride in the cart, but if I let you down that’s a big can of crazy I don’t want to open. And if you choose to scream, cry, and whine that’s okay, you will survive. I promise to do my best to get us out of here as quickly as possible.”

A few weeks later I chaperoned a field trip with my daughter’s first grade class, and a bunch of kids behaved very badly. At six they were displaying a shocking lack of boundaries and expected instant gratification. My own daughter behaved beautifully, as I fully expected, and made me appreciate her own public meltdowns as a toddler.

Yes, strangers may look at you with icy eyes and hurtful comments, but with some luck you may occasionally experience a store meltdown with a nice parent who offers encouragement. Yes, it’s embarrassing pushing a cart with a screaming baby. However, I would rather push that cart rather than have to apologize for my child’s behavior on a school field trip years later.

The big question for me is how can I be the kind person who patiently offers encouragement to parents dealing with temper tantrums in public? Thankfully the Bible is filled with verses warning against judging others:

Matthew 7:1  “Do not judge, or you to will be judged.”
John 8:7  “… Let anyone of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone.”
Matthew 7:3  “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brothers eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

Oh snap! (as my kids would say). Step one, don’t judge others. It seams easy, but what about when you’re grumpy and annoyed and just plain feel justified in your annoyance?

Hebrews 4:16  “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

I’m a mom of three and I’m in constant need. Need of sleep, need of time alone, need of time with my hubby, need of time in the bathroom – alone! But my biggest time of need is when I’m tired and easily irritated, when biting remarks and flat out meanness are all too easy. Yet even then I have a choice to make, I can choose to be an easily irritated mess or I can choose to embrace God’s mercy and grace and gulp back down any words of negativity.

This is step two – daily accept God’s mercy. Not every once in a while, but daily, so in return I can daily pour out grace to my family and even to that mean stranger.

Prayer:
God, I’m tired of being looked down on for the daily realities that come with being a mom. Help me to ignore hurtful remarks and to live in your truth, that no matter what the world thinks it sees in me at any given moment I know I am yours and you love and treasure me.

Moment of Truth:

Luke 6:35  “But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without hoping to get anything back. Then you will have a great reward, and you will be children of the Most High God, because he is kind even to people who are ungrateful and full of sin.”

Reflect and Respond:
The next time you witness a toddler in a public meltdown offer the mother a friendly smile or word of encouragement. We’ve all been there!